I’m sitting in a dark nursery. Rocking. It’s been almost two hours. She’s teething and she’s supposed to be weaning. But she doesn’t want to be put down. I am super tired. My head hurts, and I have what I call mom shoulder. You know it, mamas. When one shoulder - the side you favor for holding the baby - starts to tighten and ride up closer and closer to your ear. And then you’re just crooked and lopsided and sore. Yeah. Mom shoulder. Now, just go ahead and take a deep breath and lower your shoulders.
You can picture it all, right? You’re me. Rocking. Rocking. Aching. Singing. Planning. Listing. Scrolling. Rocking. For hours and hours. Night after night. It’s a rhythm that started four and a half years ago for me. And in the rhythm of these long, quiet sweet, aching hours? I found my voice. I started writing.
One handed, in the dark, on my phone. That’s how I write. Every post I’ve ever written I composed in a lovely, surreal fog of exhaustion and love. I’ve written every single post with a sleeping baby in my arms. And even when I’m so tired I can’t think another productive thought? Somehow? I can write. Like holding a snuggled up sound asleep baby in the quiet darkness connects me to something greater. An inner voice that’s wiser and more grounded than I really am. And things are clear and simple. My heart is unguarded. Open. Honest.
My babies? They made me be still enough to create. To reflect. To pause and praise. To Selah. And it changed everything. Because creating? It’s life giving. It connects us to something bigger. In it, we find peace and transcendence. In creativity? We worship.
We are designed for it. Created to create. Crafted by a creative God who designed us in His image. That’s why we feel more enlightened and centered and grateful when we experience creative flow. It’s not just an outlet. It’s a direct experience with the God of the Universe. Creativity is engrained in you, I promise. Every person is creative because every person is made by God.
It seems so simple. But our humanity complicates creativity. Steals its fruits from us. Plants fear of rejection. And shame. It uglies the beautiful vulnerability of creating. Of putting a piece of our hearts in front of the world. In sharing our creative work, we are presenting our very experience with God to the world. And the idea of others’ judgment? The fear stops us cold. We shrink back. And we choose. We either let go of fear and embrace God’s gift of creativity - our own uniquely designed form of worship and connection to Him. Or we hide in fear and shame. We label ourselves as “not creative”, and reject a divine gift. Striving to please a fickle world instead of serving a faithful God.
Friends. Creativity? It’s worship. It’s God’s work. You are designed for it, and it’s a gift. Just take it. It’s not really for the world. It’s for you. So, you dig down deep and you do the thing. The thing that brings you peace and transcendence. The thing that feels bigger than you. The thing that is bigger than you. You are braver than the fear. You are bolder than the shame. You are strong enough to be vulnerable. Go and create. Flow. Selah. Worship. Maybe be it won’t change the world. But it will change you.
And you know what? Maybe it will change the world.
Writing in dark nurseries with my babies in my arms has changed my life. I’ve chosen to push beyond the fear and vulnerability and shame of what the world thinks. And I’ve chosen to serve my own heart, nurture my own connection to God, and experience my own worship. I’ve chosen to create. And it breathes so much truth into my life, that it naturally fell into place as a cornerstone of Selah. I mean, to create is to Selah. To pause and praise. To step away from the world and into the divine. It’s so clear. Selah is gratitude. It is connection. And it is creativity.
So here we are. I’m putting my creativity, my experience with God in front of you. And I’m inviting you to cast away fear and shame. To embrace vulnerability. And to create.
Love + Light,