hearts pounding

Can we just call it like it is? Chasing your dreams is so hard. It sounds amazing in a blog with pretty pictures. We left our hustle and bustle lifestyle in Charlotte to escape city life and corporate culture. We wanted slow, simple, family focused. We wanted the beach and to make our own way. We felt called, purpose filled - like we were led to St. Simons for a reason we couldn't yet understand. We had stars in our eyes and dreams in our hearts. We cut our income in half, and we kept dreaming. We forged new endeavors. Jordan landed a job he loves working with small business owners -  helping others achieve their dreams. He launched F3 St. Simons and it took off with force. Then he got back into piano after years away from playing, becoming the pianist at our church.  On my side of things, I stepped back into the dance world for the first time in years as a teacher for Christina's Dance World. Then Selah St. Simons was laid on my heart and is becoming something so very special. We had another beautiful baby, Mae, who blesses us every day. We live minutes from the beach, know tons of people, have recruited family here. And it's altogether perfect.

Except for the fact that it is so so hard we often want to give up. F3 was week after week of Jordan and maybe one or two other guys getting together for a year. A solid year of showing up every week at 5:30am for something he believed in. A year of planning workouts, inviting everyone, and pounding forward when no one showed up. When it finally gained traction and soared to multiple workouts a week and as many as 20 guys posting to workouts, Jordan was a little wiped out, burned out, ready for a break. He's taking a step back now to let the new blood invigorate the group and the group reinvigorate him. Same goes for his new job and his piano. It's about going hard all the time. Stretching his talents to new levels, being vulnerable, convincing himself and others that he's good enough. And his heart pounds for it. 

Then there's me. So nervous to step back into dance after 3 years of not setting foot in a studio. Calling cold someone I'd never met and asking for a job. Wanting to be good enough - for the studio, for her, for myself.  And now, 2 years later, my experience with CDW has given me the confidence to launch my own on-site dance program for preschools on our island - stretching me, forcing me to face fears and to pound out a path that's best for me and my family.  And then there's Selah St. Simons. My dream. And the most raw and vulnerable part of my life. Bringing women together in deep and meaningful connection. The kinds of connections that build us up and bring us together with people we never knew could be our best friends. Losing the small talk and the gossip and getting to the heart. Stirring one another up to love and good works. I'm so passionate about it, but so stumped. I believe little by little hearts are connecting and Selah is working. But man, it's hard to keep writing, keep inviting, keep dreaming when it's slow to grow and hard to define. Some ideas soar, but many fail. It's brought me into a beautiful and close knit heart circle that I know God designed. But it also makes some people uncomfortable and isolates me from people whose affirmation I really want. It's forcing me to let go and let God. It's me showing up over and over and trying and trying because I know that God is at work, even though it's not on my timeline or according to my plan. It's doubting, but persevering. And it's exhausting. But it's heart centered work. And my hearts pounds for it. 

We often miss the comfort of our old lifestyle. And sometimes we just plain want it back. But oh how sweet it is when our dreams come true, even just a little, even just for a moment. Every breakthrough, every word of encouragement, every heart connected pushes us forward another day. But we believe that this journey in St. Simons is not for nothing. That no matter what the future holds, our time here has a purpose. Maybe the purpose is simply to humble us. And to teach us that try as we might, we can't control the world, but we can control ourselves in the world. Or maybe the purpose has yet to be revealed. Maybe we won't understand the purpose until we go home to Glory. I don't know. We are still feeling pretty clueless two years into our relocation. We are just choosing to live heart centered, and to keep showing up for what pounds in our hearts.